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On the morning of Nov. 21, 2012, my wife called me very early at work. My brother was dead.
With no warning, this 28-year-old Army veteran, husband and father took his own life. Just four months later, on March 22, my wife received a similar call regarding her sister. At just 41 years old, this very vibrant lady who was loved by so many made the same decision and took her own life. None of us saw this coming.
As one can imagine, there are few words to describe the grief our family is experiencing right now. There are so many questions and few answers. Why didn’t we know about their pain? Why didn’t they talk to us? What more could we have done? To some degree, the pain and guilt will always be with us.
Pride was a big factor in these situations. After our siblings passed, we found out a number of things they were dealing with. As close as we were, they didn’t tell us what was going on and we live too far away to have witnessed things for ourselves.
Debt, relationship issues and some relatively short term circumstances were causing them trouble. Looking from the outside in, the issues seem like small hurdles we could have helped them leap over, but they were big issues to them. And that is really the point here. We all need another perspective on life’s challenges other than our own. Have you ever laughed at what seemed like a serious situation years after it took place? Time can bring a renewed perspective on things; by reaching out to others, they can help you see another point of view much sooner.
If they had talked to us, we would have reminded them that we all have issues — every one of us. Regardless of rank, position, income, relationship status — you name it — every one of us has things that cause stress in our lives. And humans are social beings; we need to talk it out. We have to share with others to make sense of our lives. Keeping it all in and hiding what is bothering us doesn’t help us feel better. We have to set pride aside and let people know we’re hurting so they can help.
This much I know now more than ever: suicide is not an option. The pain that people want to escape is multiplied tenfold and transferred to those who love them the most. If you have pain and depression in your life — and many people do — talk to someone today. Talk to a family member, a friend, a chaplain, a co-worker — anyone! Don’t let your negative thoughts and feelings simmer. Set aside your pride and give up some of your privacy to get some help. You will be very glad you did.
