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No need to tell you about falling in love. That part just happens. But what about dating someone you like? Keeping a few rules in mind could make things a lot clearer — I am not saying “easier” though, because love is never easy.
Talking about dating: If only there were one absolute rule for success. Alas, there isn’t. Here’s just some advice from a German point of view.
Start meeting in a coffee shop or the like. That offers both parties an easy way out of the situation, should one of you feel uncomfortable. As for a little coffee, a man can offer to pay without raising second thoughts. If you want to clarify, simply ask: “Kann ich dich einladen?” May I treat you? Then a refusal on her side is definitely a negative sign.
Sometimes, a girl may suggest going dutch. That’s not necessarily a rejection, but rather a cultural difficulty.
She might be feeling that accepting a dinner invitation irrefutably leads to an obligation of intimacy and she surely doesn’t want to appear “an easy prey.”
Also, a modern German woman is often expected to be able pay for herself to prove her independence. So while she might actually enjoy your company, she’s is still figuring out how to show… maybe it is a small comfort to you to know that German men find this hard to understand, too.
However, if she likes you, she will agree to meet again, so there is hope. Please note: If you specifically ask a German lady out for a meal (“Darf ich dich zum Essen einladen?” May I invite you to a meal?), it would be a no-go to expect her to pay for her part.
Another major cultural misunderstanding can be found in this situation: If she invites you to come along and have dinner with another couple, this is not about a “double date,” but usually a nice way of having you meet her friends and vice versa. Could be your testing time, though, so be at your best behavior! By the way, it is also good to know that German couples usually move in together before marriage in order to find out if their relationship works.
Another helpful thing to know is that the ultimate phrase “Ich liebe dich” (I love you) is not suitable for a first date, neither on the second or third meeting, probably.
These words don’t come easy and mean a lot. Unlike in English speaking countries, it is not common to say this to your child, parents or friends, because most people feel it is reserved for the communication between two lovers. With relatives — children especially — Germans usually express their feelings like this: “Ich hab’ dich lieb!” That does not translate to “I like you” (Ich mag dich), but means love in a non-erotic way. If you encounter a German who you feel attracted to, start out with a couple of less intimidating phrases, like, “Kann ich dich wiedersehen?” Can I meet you again?
Time is money, but love isn’t. Don’t talk about marriage at your first date.
While she might like the idea of a German-American relationship, and many people are quite eager to move to the states, remember that an international divorce is a tough experience. Flirting is the easy part, but getting deeper into a relationship should never be hastened. Take time to get to know each other. If it works out, good! If not, you just had an enjoyable time with a German girl. Could be worse, right?
And a final piece of advice — don’t call her Fräulein. That term is pretty outdated and sounds patronizing.
For more words of love and romance, visit http://german.about.com/library/blliebe.htm.
